Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
