cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
