I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize