Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
