Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
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boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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