Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
