this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
