I'm eating all of the evidence.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
