He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
