Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
