Swine flu. Run for my life!
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
