when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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