Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My balls are so social today.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Pants are for mortals
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
