Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
