i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he was CRYING into my vagina
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
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