dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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