I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
