I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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