I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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