im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
