U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..