They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
