Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
