Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
