no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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