you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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