he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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