just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
did i walk over a car last night?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
