did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
