Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
The ass gains better be worth it
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