our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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