alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
