It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
