apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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