I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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