Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
