In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
