Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
