It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
