i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just cut my nipple shaving
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
