Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
