mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
