She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
