I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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