1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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