Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
