the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
They took my balls.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
