highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
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