I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
