I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
