Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
