I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
