I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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