Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
