Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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