I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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