it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
