My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
