there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
