Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She's like a pop up book from hell.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
