i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
