Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
