Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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