I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
