White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
