My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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