Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
