Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
