Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
